Human Jokes

What's the difference between a human and a dung beetle?
Answer: Beetle knows when to spit it out.

What's the difference between a human and a mosquito?
Answer: A mosquito can leave the earth's surface in peace.

What's the difference between a human and a moth?
Answer: A moth seeks the light, a human thinks it switches on the light.

What's the difference between a human and a centipede?
Answer: A centipede will only step on you 100 times.

What's the difference between a human and a blood sucking soul destroying parasite?
Answer: ??

What's the difference between a human and a caterpillar?
Answer: A caterpillar can change its perspective on life.

What's the difference between a cocoon and the human mindset?
Answer: Size.

What's the difference between a human and a worm?
Answer: Trees still grow after a worm works hard.

What's the difference between a human and a stick insect?
Answer:  The insect is fake on purpose.

What's the difference between a human and Dr Beetle?
Answer: Not enough, unfortunately.

If you have any other human jokes, send them in and I might put them here
email me

Humans are as sensitive to the environment as a 10 km sized meteor! Ask any dinosaur.
There was a footy match between the invertebrates and humans. Team captains Mosquito and Parker tossed a coin. Mosquito started off. He kicked to Grasshopper who met the ball. But suddenly, Barker took it off him. Barker ran down the field and kicked a goal, and the humans cheered. Center ball again, and Tanner received. Shield bug chased but was bumped out of the way by Becker, and the humans scored another easy goal. By half time, the score was humans 12 to inverts 0. Mosquito gave his team a pep talk. The second half started. Fletcher gathered the ball and started running down the field. Suddenly, Centipede rushed in, intercepted the ball cleanly, and charged down the field, dodging and weaving the humans to kick a goal for the inverts. The cheer swarm screamed with delight. Center ball again and Parker got the pass. He dodged Cricket and was about to score when Centipede sprinted in. He gathered the ball and ran down the field, ducked under Fuller's legs and kicked a spectacular goal. Centipede kept it up, and the invertebrates finished up winning the game by one point. The invertebrates cheered and surrounded Centipede. Mosquito said 'That was fantastic, such skill. But where were you in the first half when we were desperate?' Centipede replied 'doing up my boots'.

A wife asked her husband to go to the deli and get some snails so she could make escargot for tea. But on the way, he walked past the pub, and decided to call in for one beer. He stayed for another, and then another and another until the pub closed. He left and staggered on to the deli, but it was closed. So he went back to the pub, searched behind the car park, and gathered 20 garden snails. When he got home, he lined the snails up on the footpath and rang the door bell. The wife came out and yelled 'Where on earth have you been!' The husband turned to the snails and said encouragingly 'Come on guys, we're nearly there'.

A male frog hopping along a riverbank met a human but was desperate. "Please human, could you take me across the river in your boat". The human asked, "Why?" The frog said, "For a long time I thought I was the last of my species, but recently I have been hearing a lady frog on the opposite side of the river. Each night we sing to each other, but whenever I try to swim across to reach her the current is too strong and I have to turn back". The human replied "Very well, I will take you, but as long as you let my children keep some of your tadpoles in a jar for their school project". The frog agreed and they set off across the river in the boat. The frog said, "You do realize how important it is for me to get to the other side?" The human said, "Yes, it's very important. My species has caused enough damage to the environment!" Halfway over, the human started to fidget and rustle his hand under a pile of canvas in the boat. Suddenly, there was a glint of sun on metal, and the human bought a meat clever down on the frog and in two swipes cut off both its legs. The frog rolled back and moaned "Why human! Now I will die and my species will become extinct". The human replied "I'm sorry, but it's in my nature". (My thanks to Dr Scorpion for this one).

A nervous guy walks into a dentist's office and says he's a moth. The dentist says "If your a moth, what are you doing in a dentist office?" The guy says "I saw the light on!" (Thanks Phil for this one)

What do dogs and Humans have in common?
Answer: Neither one is capable of cleaning up their biggest messes (Thanks Nikki for this one)

The human idea of fairness: Their species should keep 90-99% of the land, and the other 30 million species can have the rest. Then, cook the weather and cut off the escape routes between their fragmented national parks, with the aid of surrounding paddocks, busy roads and development. Make road-kill pies. If that doesn’t get them, throw in some feral animals and choking weeds, and open up their land so that humans can pleasantly intrude upon its every nook and cranny.

For humans to maintain their delusion of superiority they will have to drink their own bath water, and urine. Wisdom cannot be far away for them now!